Killing Time
by WitchGirl
Summary: Chapter Two: Lily, James and Harry. Please review! What does Sirius think about now that he’s free to contemplate whatever he likes? With no Dementors around to feed on happy memories, what does Sirius choose to remember but the bittersweet?
1. Sharon

Killing Time

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Summary: What does Sirius think about now that he's free to contemplate whatever he likes? With no Dementors around to feed on happy memories, what does Sirius choose to remember but the bittersweet?

Chapter One: Sharon

Sirius fiddled with a chicken bone he had been gnawing on for the past two days and chuckled to himself. He glanced over at Buckbeak, who was entertaining himself by ripping up an old issue of the Daily Prophet. He was happier than he had been in a long time, now that he was free of Azkaban. It's not like bliss, not like he had with Sharon, but it wasn't misery either. It just… was.

Looking back on what had happened before Azkaban, Sirius saw things in a more matter-of-fact manner. In Azkaban, the Dementors had managed to make every memory an unhappy one. So now, all the horrible things he had never wanted to think about in Azkaban didn't seem so bad.

There was one that still stung his heart. White and red mixing together to create a horribly wrong image. Black hair sprawled across the floor, dark eyes closed…

Now that he could, he thought of her, and the moment of pure happiness he had felt before he felt pure despair.

The night was cold, in spite of the spring's efforts of warmth and Sirius was leaning against the white wooden door.

"At least describe it to me, Sharon!"

"No! I'll leave you to wonder!" Sirius heard the giggles Sharon was trying to suppress. He smiled, happily. In June, they would be married. Three months away. The thought of having her, being able to lawfully call her his overwhelmed him. He thought of caressing her petite stature and running his hands through her dark hair like he'd done so many times before, but the thought of doing it as husband and wife…

"Sirius, are you still there?" Sharon asked.

"Oh, I'm here!" he said, immediately. "I'd never leave your side Sharon." Nothing could ruin this now. But…

Sirius jumped and turned at the sound of a crash and noticed the shards of glass below the shattered window. His eyes widened to see three men in dark hoods. Instantly, he turned to the door, but one of the Death Eaters knocked him to the floor and pinned him against the wall.

"Where is Sharon Bates." One thing was for certain, it was not a question.

"Sharon… Sharon who?" Sirius said. The Death Eater banged his head against the wall.

"I'll say it again. Where is Sharon Bates?"

"I don't know what—"

"WHERE IS SHE?!" The Death Eater threw Sirius angrily onto the couch and Sirius struggled to get up.

"Wha-What do you want with her?" he asked, gathering up his courage. Beneath the hood, Sirius could see the Death Eater sneer.

"She is a powerful Auror with a high position. She is of use to us. Now, one more time. Tell us where Sharon Bates is and you will live."

"Uh… She's grocery shopping. Won't be back for a while, you know. All those old ladies wrestling over cabbages. Don't underestimate them, I met this one with a powerful left hook—" Sirius halted and his face screwed up in pain as a second Death Eater grabbed him by his shaggy hair and pulled him to his feet. The first Death Eater shouted a curse.

"CRUCIO!"

Sirius was certain his screams reverberated through the neighborhood. He definitely knew Sharon could hear him. But at that moment, he didn't care about Sharon, or anyone else, all he cared about was stopping the pain, anything to stop the stabbing sensation drilling a hole through his heart and severing his lungs. He felt as if all the blood vessels in his body would burst and he could do anything…

And then, it stopped.

"Well, we'll try a different question, shall we?" said the first Death Eater. "Tell us where James and Lily Potter are hiding."

"Ja-James and Lily?" Sirius panted. "I… I've lost contact, I haven't seen him since—"

"Crucio!" And it started again. Sirius twisted in agony for seconds that seemed to last for hours. In those seconds, he became deaf to anything louder than a pin drop. He heard footsteps. Tiny footsteps that he recognized. The person was light on their feet and Sirius knew it was from all the dancing she did. He knew everything about her, even her footsteps. But the pain stopped. The Death Eater torturing Sirius was caught by surprise.

"YOU!" he shouted, grabbing the girl by the hand. She was still wearing her wedding dress. "You are Sharon Bates!" Sharon screamed and stunned the man, running back to the dressing room and slamming the door. All three Death Eaters lunged after her, but they could not open the door.

"Alohomora!" one of them screamed, but to no avail. The door glowed with a strange light and Sirius knew it was their security spell. Only he and Sharon knew the number to unlock it. The first Death Eater turned and glared at Sirius. He knew Sirius knew the code number. And Sirius knew that there were no windows in Sharon's room and the security spell prevented her from Apparating.

"Tell me the code," the first Death Eater hissed. Sirius slowly shook his head. "THE CODE!" the Death Eater screamed. The third Death Eater shouted the Cruciatus curse once more and Sirius knew anguish. And anything he had to do, whatever he had to say to stop the pain, he would do it, he would say it. He would give them the number.

"The code, Sirius Black!"

"Argh…." Sirius groaned. "10…31…8…8……" and it stopped. Sirius felt as if all the bones in his body had been broken and that his body had turned to water. He slithered to the floor and gasped for breath as the Death Eaters opened the door. Only after he heard Sharon's screams did he realize what he had done.

"SHARON!" he cried and tried to stop it. He would do anything, anything to save his Sharon. For losing her would be agony ten times worse than the Cruciatus. "AVADA KEDAVERA!" One of the Death Eaters fell at the curse, but the other two Disapparated. Sirius lay there for a moment on the floor, the welcomed silence booming in his ears. Finally, he regained strength enough to stand up. Though his legs were shaking, he had to see, he had to know.

The image of white satin stained with crimson haunted his mind forever.


	2. Lily, James and Harry

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A/N: What, you don't like it? Please, review!

Chapter Two: Lily, James and Harry

"I think you should switch."  
"What?" The man blinked. "Why?"  
"I am the obvious choice. You should switch to someone less likely." James laughed and Sirius didn't understand. "I don't find anything about this funny, James!" he hissed. James just smiled and shook his head.  
"Nothing about this is funny, Sirius," he said. "I'm just laughing because I never thought I'd see this day."  
"What day?" Sirius asked, his anger subsiding.

"The day that I discovered that Sirius Black was afraid. I thought you weren't afraid of anything." Sirius sighed and sank down in a deep armchair.

"I do not deny it. I am afraid. But I'm not afraid for the reasons you may think."  
"Oh?" James seemed interested. "You aren't afraid for your life?" Sirius smiled a sad smile.

"No, James," he said. "I'd gladly die for you any day of the week. Except Saturdays… I usually have something planed on Saturdays." The two men grinned.

"Then what are you afraid of, if not for your own life? Is it pain? Is it torture?"

"Yes and no," Sirius replied. "I do not fear death, James. I'll welcome it with open arms when it comes to take me. I do not fear torture either, not from the Dark Lord anyway, for nothing he can throw at me would be more painful than the knowledge of my own betrayal to you, James. My best friend. However, that's what I'm afraid of. Betraying you and Lily and Harry. James, I am afraid to lose_ you!"_ James sighed at the words of his best friend.

"It's hard times, my friend. If you feel that you cannot help us, that this responsibility is too great for your shoulders, than yes. I suppose we should switch."  
"Please, James," said Sirius. "I feel as if I've let you down. Understand that I would go through hell to protect you and your family. I just fear that my connection to you is so well-known that Voldemort and his followers will figure it out. And I'm afraid that I'm not strong enough to take what they do to me. Though I vow to be loyal to you, James, I know that under immense torture, one can do many things he is not proud of." James looked at his feet in silence for a moment and then looked up at his friend. His brown eyes bored into Sirius's soul.

"You should know more than me," he said quietly.

"Sharon was… Sharon was…"

"Sharon was wonderful." James turned to the window and watched the leaves fall from the trees into the crisp fall wind. The air was moist and fresh, seeing as there had just been a storm a few hours ago, and it left the scent of damp leaves floating on the breeze. Sirius joined James by the window.

"She was more than wonderful. She was spectacular. And I let her down. James, I let her down!" Sirius shut his eyes tight, trying desperately to dry his tears before they even came. "I remember the first words she ever said to me…"

"And those were?"

" 'Did you know your shoe's untied?' And right after she said it, I tripped. Would you believe it? Ever since then, she called me her clumsy little puppy dog." James laughed.

"Puppy dog!" he cried. "Hardly!" 

"I know," Sirius sighed. "But she was Sharon, and every word uttered from her lips is special to me. And I try to remember every little thing about her. She was trying on her wedding dress when they came, you know. I was waiting in the living room. She claimed it's bad luck for the groom to see the bride in her wedding dress before the wedding."  
"Oh Sirius," James put an arm around his friend, consolingly.

"There was a crash…"

"Sirius, stop."  
"The door was locked, I couldn't warn her."

"Sirius, this is doing you no good." But despite James's efforts, the memory overwhelmed Sirius.  
"They threw me on the couch and demanded where she was. She must have heard them because she was dead quiet in her room. I told them she was out grocery shopping. They demanded to know where _you _were, James. Asking all these questions… I told them I'd lost contact with you…"  
"Sirius, we've been through this…"

"They didn't believe me. I tried to run, I tried to defend myself and my fiancé, but they overpowered me. I still have the scars…" Sirius was looking blankly at a leaf on a branch out the window. It broke off and fell to the ground. "Finally, I don't think she could take my screams any more. I could hear her creek the door open. She was sneaking up behind them, I could hear her. Isn't it funny how when all you can feel is pain, the only things you hear or see are the small things? They discovered her and demanded to know who she was. She ran back into her room and locked the door, casting various spells on it to make sure they couldn't get in. They asked me for the key and the counter curses. I wouldn't tell them… They asked me again…"

"Sirius, go out and get a drink…" James went through his wallet. "It's on me."  
"No, James," Sirius shook his head and smiled, snapping out of his horrible nightmare. "Thanks for the thought, but I think I'll just stay here with you." James frowned.

"You're sure about that?"

"Yes, I'm sure," he replied.

"James?" James closed his eyes as he heard the soft, melodious voice of that red-haired beauty. He turned to face his wife.

"Lily…" She was holding their son, who seemed to be flailing and crying.

"I can't get him to be quiet. He won't eat, he has a fresh diaper, and he won't sleep." James held out his arms.

"Give him to me," he said and took the young child. The babe's eyes were shut tight and he didn't seem to want to open them. "Shh, Harry. Calm down." At his father's voice, the infant lifted his lids to reveal two bright emeralds. As he saw his father, he stopped crying and looked at him for a moment. James smiled and as he did so and his son imitated him. The boy let out a small laugh as he grabbed at his father's glasses and put them on his own face.

"He's truly your son. He looks just like you," Lily said, shaking her head.

"He has your eyes," James replied looking deep into the bright eyes of his son and then into the jaded eyes of his wife.

"He has your glasses," Lily returned with a laugh. James walked over to Lily and put his arm around her. As Lily's head bent over the infant in her husband's arm, the young child grabbed at his mother's hair. Sirius smiled.

"How can anyone bare to destroy a family as happy as this?" he asked, sadly. Lily gave him a warm understanding smile that made Sirius feel slightly happier. She was good at that. She could warm someone's heart just by an expression on her face that let them know she understood. 

"How could anyone break the heart of a generous man like you?" She always knew what to say, too. "You have been very good to us, Sirius. I appreciate it very much."

"I am sure no one in the world has better friends than I," Sirius smiled. "I think I will take you up on that drink, James." James smiled, sadly and reached into his pocket and pulled out a couple galleons. As he handed Sirius the money, he whispered.

"Sharon was a great woman, Sirius. But remember, you didn't kill her. And if you don't want this burden that we've placed on your shoulders, I can ask Remus to…" but Sirius was shaking his head.

"I suspect something from him, James," he muttered. "There's a spy among us and all I can say is it isn't me." James's eyes grew wide.

"Surely you aren't saying what I think you're saying! Remus would never…" James trailed off and shook his head to clear the thought from it. The friends were both silent for a moment. Suddenly, Sirius had an idea.

"Peter!" he cried. "No one would suspect our old Wormtail!"

"Peter? Peter…" James thought about the proposition for a moment. "He blends into the crowd extremely well… he wouldn't be thought of as a threat to our enemies. They wouldn't think he knew anything… They'd think he was harmless… What do you think Lily?" James's wife nodded.

"Whatever you think is best, James."

"Yes, Peter it is, then!" James decided. "I will tell him!" Sirius smiled.

"Thank you, James," he said. "And… forgive me."

"Always, Padfoot, always," James patted Sirius on the back with a grin. They embraced and Sirius kissed Lily on the cheek and ruffled Harry's unruly hair before he left. It was the last time he saw the entire family alive.

The memory of Harry as a boy in James's arms warmed Sirius's heart. When he had heard what Peter had done, he hadn't expected to find any of them alive. Lily's smile would remain forever emblazoned on Sirius's mind. She could always cheer him up with that smile. Even in death.


End file.
